Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Contemplation...


After yesterday, I just feel like I have so much on my mind. I thought so hard, last night, I gave myself a headache :)

I feel like a hypocrite, an impatient loser and everything else you could throw at me. You see... after my baby bro was born (who, by the way, was induced) I told myself, induction was NOT an option. And here I was... preaching it to all my friends. Now, here I sit, 37 wks pregnant, actually thinking about this idea.

I know that once you are in the situation it is much different, I just feel like I shouldn't have this option. I really don't want to induce. I don't even (think) I want an epidural. (However, I did ask the RN and you can be 8 centimeters before I decide to get one). I wanted Brady to come when HE was ready. I, however, have a huge fear of hospitals. I rarely trust them, and the moment I start walking in the doors, I start praying a Rosesary. After what happened last time, I am taking no chances.

It is just that I feel I have prepped for every possible scenario, except of course, my doctor going on vacation. Not like I can blame him. Shit, he has come to see me in my false labor 5 previous times. I am just so worried something will go wrong again and I will end up in the hospital with no explination AND a newborn to take care of.

I do want to say, however, thank you, thank you, thank you!! to all of my freaders who send such kind words. It is those "faceless" words in comments that always seem to put a smile on my face!

I only pray that Brady decides to grace us with his prescence before the 14th (my next doc's apt.) That way, all things will be solved and I won't have to "play God." I ask all of you to say a tiny prayer that Mr. Brady comes on his own, when HE is ready.

Thanks again! Hope you guys have a good Tuesday!

4 comments:

Sarah said...

I can see where you are in a bit of a conundrum. You could always encourage Brady the and induce the "natural way", you could have sex, eat spicy foods, and (my mom swears on this)walk with one foot on the curb and one foot in the street-supposedly the uneven surface helps. But I don't have a baby this is all second hand info. Hope it helps!

Michelle & the City said...

i think it's a good sign that you are so concerned about these decisions you'll be making or not making soon. i wouldn't feel guilty about them. i'm sure you'll find a happy medium between what's comfortable for you and what's good for the baby :)

and of course i'll make brady a hat. considering it's only april i have months to finish it before he can wear it out in the cold :)

colors? blue, green? email me. :)

twentysomethingandclueless said...

Aw, well I'm still hoping and praying that Brady comes soon!! He's a stubborn lil fellow already, isn't he ;)

rachel elizabeth said...

awww, love. please don't worry so much! i'm sure brady will get here when the time is right for him (whether there is help from you or not...) but, you're the mom now, and you totally know what's best. hang in there girlfriend, sending prayers your way! xo