Monday, January 16, 2006

Singing is Life... it is MY Life

So, as everyday, I wake up, go to work. Do my job so I can get a paycheck and go home so I can write more music. I guess when your young you always know in your heart you want to be a doctor, a lawyer, an actress, a singer... but how do you go about doing it?

All my life I have known. All my life I have wanted to perform and get paid. So I start with My Mistress. Pound the work out of writing songs, practicing and sounding like shit, and performing for the thrill of all 28 people in the audience. I don't care.

Sick, half dead or puking on stage, I am there. I am there with every ounce of energy I have, with every ounce of everything I am. To me... singing is bliss. It is release, it is pain, it is love, it is all. I can't help but feel pain and love simultaniously when singing. The songs mean so much, the words, the melody. It is a physical and musical form of blood, sweat, and tears.

I just wonder... when you want to be a doctor, you go to med school. When you want to be a lawyer, you pass the BAR. When you want to be a singer.... you sing. Why must it be so hard. Why must this love, this passion that I want to share with the world, not have a clear path.

I pray to you, that someday MY break comes. That someday I feel my dream accomplished. I want to be there, standing in front of millions, with them singing along those words that are so dear. I want my dad in the front row, swaying and crying with the sweaty people that paid 70 bucks just to SEE YOUR SHOW. What is that like, I wonder? Why is it so far a reach?
American Idol... I was never good enough. Not "pop" enough. Rejection is a part of the game. It happens 12 times a day in my job. No biggie. But when you love it. When you breath it. When you feel that this world should understand THIS love, and visualize THIS breath. Where do you go from here?

Why is it so damn hard.

Music... what a life.... one day... my life?