Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Anesthesia Anyone?

So on Friday, I took my mom to her first colonoscopy. She turned the big 5-0 this year, so it comes with the territory. Since I have the worst stomach ever! I have already had 5, and before going, I reassured her it was going to be a nice nap and nothing more :)

Little did I know, when she was rolled out of the room, that she was going to be a freaking comedian!

As they called my name, I proceeded back into PACU (post anesthesia care unit) where she was lying on her side, sound alseep. The RN came in and asked her to wake up, and stay on her side. She, for some unknown reason, did not want to stay on her side and asked the RN (in the groggiest of voices)
"W....h...y....?"
"Well, we need you to focus on passing gas," said the RN
"W...h...y?" said Mom.

*The nurse informs me to not answer her or talk to her, because she won't have any memory*

As she closed her eyes, she falls back into a deep sleep. Then she turns to me and says
"Is it over???" With her eyes all glossed over from the medicine.
"Yeah Mom, your all done, easy breezy, like I said."

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, she starts singing Alice Cooper.

"Schoooooolz out for summer, bah dan dah dun dun (just picture her playing air drums on her hospital bed) Schooooolz out for-evah!!!! bah dan dah dun dun."
Now, when I say she was singing, this was not some soft little whisper, the woman was belting it out. I start laughing so hard I was crying and the next thing I know, she turns to me and says "Are the papparazzi waiting outside for me, because they need to wait" (More slurred words are spoken here) and then she says, make sure they get my good side!"

At this point I am practically rolling on the floor. What is this woman talking about? Papparazzi, singing? This is NOT my mom. My mom is the quiet one in the corner reading a book. She swims on a regular basis and loves to kayak (all things you do on your own!) Where did this alternate "rock star" personality come from?

Then she turns to the RN and says... "You kinow.... I am going... on TOUR!"
"Uh-huh" says the RN
"With Led Zeppelin - we go on tour next week, Wemebley Stadium!" Mom says profoundly.
I try and jump in here to tell her she isn't going on tour, Led Zeppelin is going on tour.
She turns to me with glass filled eyes... "NO! I'M going on tour!"
"Ok Mom... sshhhh! Go to sleep"

And with that, she finally drifts back into La La land.

The RN sits her up and keeps telling her to stay awake, which really isn't working at all. The poor woman keeps drifiting in and out of delusion.... when finally.

She farts!! She farted so loud she startled herself! She starts mumbling..."what they didn't tell you, was that they inadvertantly put a mexican jumping bean in my stomach..." and with perfect comediac timing.... "On a steeeeck."

If you don't know the "On a stick" thing. Click here.

After that comedy show, I really didn't think it could get any better, until today... she calls me, pissed off because they RN said she couldn't do strennious activity for 7 days.

"7 Days? What kinda shit is that? I am going dog sledding today?" She says
"Your what???"
"Well, I am flying up to Colorado and my girlfriend and I are going snowboarding and dog sledding."

OH my gosh! If it isn't one thing, it sure is another! First seranading the other PACU patients with Alice Cooper, then talking about "On a steeck" to dog sledding in Colorado. What would we do without moms.

Have a happy Wednesday!!

5 comments:

Katelin said...

Haha, that's great. Your mom is quite the comedian.

Lacey Bean said...

I Love that comedian. What's his face. Oh whatever. He's funny.

And your mom is a hoot!!!

Kristen said...

At my first colonoscopy, at the age of 18, i came out of the anasthesia horribly! First, i woke up during the procedure, and cussed at the doctor. Then, when i was waking up from it, i was yelling obscenities about the doctor, and how dare he stick that s*** up my a**? My mom was mortified, because she couldnt get me to shut up! You just reminded me of that! Have a great day!

Nanette said...

OMG! Freakin' HILARIOUS! No wonder you were crackin' up!

elysa said...

that is sooo funny. oh a steeck is certainly the best part.

can you tell i'm a little behind on my reading